What's On The Tube Today?
by Bob8644
Summary: When Clank is left home alone by Ratchet on his shopping trip, he flips on the TV through several channels and makes judgements and observations on what he sees.


A large yawn rang in the morning as Clank arose from his slumber. It was certainly great to be a Saturday. No work, just relaxation for all the Rangers. It was just Clank hanging out by himself…

Wait, what?

Clank leaped out of bed as he explored the house and figured out Ratchet was not there. Not eating breakfast, not working in the garage, not even sitting by the television. What happened? Where'd he go….

The little robot then noticed a piece of paper on the counter by the kitchen. He jumped up, grabbed it, and read it.

 _Hey, buddy! Sorry if I didn't wake you up, but I had to go over to Novalis and pick up some power converters. The ship was running low on fuel, and you know how great that condition is on Veldin. Again, I'm sorry. You can watch TV or read one of your science books. Bye, Ratchet_

Clank let out a disappointed sigh. Why couldn't Ratchet just wake him up? Was he in a hurry?

But he was quickly growing tired of asking questions as he decided to sit down and see what's on the TV. He did not have the energy to flip through a book today.

As he turned it on, he found a program where music was being played, with a band with extremely long hair and crazy, colorful outfits (one didn't even have a shirt on) jumping around and playing very loud music on guitars. The species of the members looked to be the same as Skidd McMarx. Clank paid attention to the lyrics.

 _Oh, baby! WOOOO!_

 _Come on, come on, come on!_

 _Just love me, baby! Oh yeah!_

 _Get in here, OW!_

One of the guitar players began to play extremely fast as his fingers flew across the neck of guitar, playing one note after the other, sticking his tongue out and wagging it around.

It was clear this music was not to Clank's taste or likings.

 _What a crude and violent mannerism. Is this what our current generation listens to? I am disappointed._

Clank put a hand to his face and flipped the channel after the singer actually ripped his pants off. That was enough of that.

The next channel that crossed was a movie where a man and woman were talking to eachother.

" _I don't believe in reincarnation because I refuse to come back as a bug or a rabbit! "_ said the woman.

" _You know, you're a real " up " person, "_ cheekily said the man.

The camera suddenly zoomed into another woman staring at the two. The man had gone and cheated on his wife.

" What a nasty habit, " said Clank. " I expect a couple to be happy and stay very true to one another. It appears this man is too disgusting and vile to understand. "

Later in the movie, the man was walking down the streets in a small town. Suddenly, a gang of 5-6 people arrived and began to wail on the poor man.

This ended up giving Clank a sense of questioning. What the man had done earlier was certainly cruel, but was it worth him getting his just desserts like this? They had no idea what he did, so what were they to judge? The scene ended up being more complex than Clank had taken it for.

" What a surprisingly interesting complexion….I am starting to enjoy this movie. "

Then, a few seconds later, someone suddenly started to attack the gang. When they were all beat up, it was revealed...his previous wife had saved him!

" _What the hell? I thought- "_

" _I'm not letting you go just yet. I still believe in you, "_ said his wife.

The small moment warmed Clank's heart as he managed to crack a smile. It was a great lesson to go off of.

 _" You...you complete me, "_ said the husband.

Suddenly, Clank stopped. He immediately burst into a giggle fit at the extremely cheesy line.

After he switched channels, he stumbled across….

 _Tonight on Secret Agent Clank…_

Clank's antenna perked up as he immediately sat up. Alright, time for some fun!

However, what first came on screen wasn't what he anticipated. It wasn't even Clank, it was a small, wooden string puppet…

" Clank " walked into a large mansion where two of his female assistants were waiting, those being played by robotic female lookalikes.

" _Oh, hello, Clank… "_ said one of them as he lifted the puppet into her lap. _" Don'tcha look so….cutesy today? "_

" _Actually, the correct term would be " Don't you look very adorable today? " Please check your grammar or you know what's coming to you. "_

 _" Oh, is it the- "_

" _Oh, yes, my darling. The shaft. "_

A large crowd laughed at the sentence. Clank was just confused. When would he ever say something like that? He wouldn't be that vulgar around anyone, not even Elaris. The sketch continued.

" _Now, are we ready to begin our next mission? "_ said the puppet.

" _Oh, which one? "_

" _The bedroom infiltration. "_

Another laugh ensued as Clank became more uncomfortable.

" Clank " was carried to the bedroom where they were met by a surprise: three warbots with guns aimed at the two.

 _" Surprise, bitch! "_ yelled one of them. _" Here's your bedroom infiltration! "_

The laughter just kept going. Why was this so funny? There's no way this was a live audience. No one would ever be that delusional to get enjoyment out of this.

" I should probably switch the channel but….this is strangely enticing, " said Clank to himself.

" _Well, isn't this nice, "_ said " Clank ". _" I finally have time to use the shaft. "_

 _Laugh_

" _Eh?! "_

" Clank " flipped a switch as all the robots fell through a trap door as the audience clapped at the quick thinking.

" _Wow! The shaft always manages to go through, "_ said his assistant.

 _Laugh_

" _It always seems to pull in and just zip through the holes, "_ replied Clank.

 _Laugh_

" _I would agre- "_

" Clank " suddenly jumped onto his assistant as they fell onto the bed off camera. Lots of strange making out noises were heard as moaning noises rang out. The crowd burst out laughing at every little noise as a logo reading " Saturday Morning Live " appeared in the corner. The entire sketch was a parody, and not really a good one.

" What a cruel, extremely vile parody, " said Clank. " For them to make assumptions about everyone's lives is very rude and unfair. I will make sure this never crosses my mind again. "

Clank flipped the channel where there was another movie playing. It showed two teenagers walking into an old basement.

 _" I think we're good...don't think they'll find us here. "_ said a young boy.

" _No, Johnny...I hear something from that closet, "_ said a girl.

They both carefully inched over to the closet as Clank watched them carefully. The closet started to creak open.

" … "

" _**REPENT OR PERISH! "**_

A girl burst from the closet and screamed at the two as they ran out of the house screaming themselves.

Clank stared blankly at what just happened and then changed the channel.

" That was not very scary, perhaps if they hadn't tried so hard, it- "

" _Huh-HEY, kids! It's the Puffland Funtime Hour! "_

Clank was suddenly directed to the screen where a bunch of Fongolian kids were gathered around a large man in a fluffy costume. He seemed to have stumbled upon a children's program. The costume had gigantic eyes and two large blue antennae. The eyes themselves were….strangely realistic.

Clank shifted uncomfortably on the couch and scooted closer to a nearby blanket. The character's voice sounded very...goofy.

" _Wuh-well, whaddaya say we do a special dance I made? I call it the Puff Shuffle! Let's do it! "_

And just like that, the character and the kids began to dance around and shuffle from side to side, as the camera began coming….strangely close to the character.

Clank grabbed a pillow and sat behind it as he became increasingly tense.

" _Just up and down, slide, slide slide… "_

And it kept getting closer and closer...and closer….

The poor bot then began to wrap the blanket over him as the camera just kept getting closer.

 _Please stop...th-that's quite enough…_ thought Clank.

But it didn't. The character then opened its eyes even wider and danced around more, until it starting to go to shots of the children dancing. This was getting _really_ creepy.

 _" C'mon, kids! GET UP, GET UP, GET UP! "_

Clank rolled around and shut his eyes in the blankets as he hid his head under a pillow. Why wouldn't it stop?! Make it stop! It was getting creepier, and creepier, and-

 _Crreak_

" Hey, I'm back! "

" _WAUGH! "_

" WOAH! " shouted Ratchet as he almost dropped his groceries. " Clank? Are you alright?! " He set down the groceries and went to see what was wrong, and found the poor robot on the couch.

" Hey, woah, are you cold or something? Why are you bundled up like tha- "

Ratchet noticed the program on the TV. " Wha- " Ratchet stifled a brief laugh. " You've been watching THIS? Were you really that bored? Clank? "

He unwrapped the covers and found the poor robot passed out, with swirly eyes for effect. Clank let out a slight moan and plopped off the couch.

" ...we need to consider some parental controls. "


End file.
